When Will CyberBullying Stop?

I received a text message last night from one of our Girls With Dreams team members. A tragedy struck in the St. Louis community. A tragedy like so many that have occured around our country as a result of cyberbullying. A young person took his life because of being bullied.  This is not okay.  When is this going to stop?  We all need to do better. We need to help each other, help our children, our friends, our schools, our communities. Our hearts and prayers go out to all of the loved ones who have been impacted by this loss or the loss of someone they love. We wanted to share some of the stories and resources you might find helpful on this subject.

Girls With Dreams blogs about CyberBullying
Girls With Dreams TV talks about CyberBullying
Cruel’s Not Cool (A Facebook Group Dedicated to Ending Cruelty)
Girls With Dreams talks about how to deal with tragedy and loss

Parents and Teachers Can Prevent Bullying

With the recent media attention of bullying and it’s tragic effects, many parents and teachers are asking, what more can we do?   One simple and powerful thing adults can do is teach kids how to stand up to bullying.  Standing up against bullies doesn’t need to be done alone.   Equally important, parents and teachers need to start teaching this at a young age.

Recently, we had an example of this in our own home.  One of my kids is in elementary school and he was having problems with a friend who he claimed was being mean to him.  From what he described, it sounded like bullying.  One of the solutions we talked about was getting his friends to ignore the bully or to stand up against the bully with him.  Just the other day I overheard him telling his brother how his situation turned out.  He said he got his friends to tell this particular person his meanness wasn’t scaring anyone and wouldn’t work.  In this case, the bullying stopped.  It doesn’t always work out this way, but this is a powerful lesson we need to reiterate to our children from elementary school on.

Whether your child is the victim of the bullying or the witness or bystander, we need to talk to our kids abou thow to deal with bullies.  Let’s say, your daughter (or son) is the victim of bullying, whether its name calling or even being left out of a party or an event (situational bullying) help your child find a solution where others stand next to your daughter or son against the bully.  For example, pretend every girl was invited to a sleepover party except for one girl in the class.   If a group of girls goes to the hostess and says we won’t come to a party where someone is being excluded, most likely she’ll change her mind.

We need to do better at teaching our kids how to take a stand against bullies.  If you have a story to share about this, we’d love to hear it!

How to Deal with Cyber Bullying

Phoebe Prince’s story reminded us all again we need to do more to prevent bullying in our schools.  Phoebe was a teen who was harassed for months by her peers and her life tragically ended with suicide in January.  Recently, many of the teens who harassed her have faced criminal punishment for their acts.

Whether the bullying is taking place in person or online, it’s never a good thing.  Most news reports suggest much of Phoebe’s bullying was in person, but we know many times cyber bullying has had equally devastating consequences.  In fact, an AP poll release in December found that 50 percent of teens they surveyed had been affected by digital abuse in some way.

Find out what our team at Girls With Dreams thinks about cyber bullying and how you can deal with it.

Bullying and Suicide: Learning from Phoebe

Phoebe Prince’s recent suicide has reminded us again we’re all not doing enough to stop bullying in whatever form it comes:  harassment, name calling, cyber bullying, physical violence, or sexual violence.

Phoebe was only 15 when she committed suicide this January.  This is a complete tragedy.  Yesterday, nine students were charged in various crimes that were committed against Phoebe and even more were diciplined and removed from school today in Massachusetts.

This could have been prevented and should have been prevented.  All of us need to do better:  teens, parents, educators, and mentors to young people.  What do you think teens should do to prevent this type of thing from happening again?  What do you think adults need to do?

Here are a few tips for teens on how to deal with bullying:

-First, look at your situation.  Are you the bully, bystander, victim, or friend?  In Secrets Girls Keep, on page 111, I share a quick quiz where you can figure out which one you are.  Depending on which category you fit in, you might have a different role.

–If you are the victim, I’m truly sorry this is happening to you.  It can feel incredibly lonely and isolating but know that there are many other teens who deal with this too.  You need to start by getting the right support around you.  Find an adult you trust to let them know what is going on.  Create a plan with them where you can be safe and that can work on changing your situation.  Find a grown up who listens and who is willing to help you see this through.

–If you are the bystander, this means you don’t usually start the bullying but you don’t do anything to stop it.  Most teens don’t stop the bully because they are fearful if they stand up to them, then they will be the next victim.  See what you can do to take action.  It might mean you gather a few friends together and you stand up to the bully.  It might mean you privately let an adult know what is going on, or it could mean you offer the victim your support.  Social pressure goes a long way with bullies.  Believe me, I know it’s a difficult road to stand up and take a different path.  Make sure you surround yourself with friends and mentors who can support you.

–If you are a bully, think about how this is working for you.  What do you gain and lose by harassing other kids?  Are you able to put yourself in their shoes for a moment and think about the negative impact you might be having on others?  Have you thought about criminal charges that might be brought up against you?  If you’re ready to make a change, congratulations.  It might not be easy because most likely this has been going on for some time.  It will most likely require talking to an adult you trust and think about getting a counselor to support you.  You help you figure out how bullying others has helped you or hurt you.  They can help you look at how you’ve been bullied if that’s the case and how you can begin to change.

This is clearly just the beginning to figuring out how to deal with bullies.  Watch for more videos, blog posts, and articles related to this important topic.  We all need to do better and take a stand so no more lives like Phoebe’s will be lost.

If you have a question or comment about bullying you’d like to share with us, you can write is at info@girlswithdreams.com with  ADVICE in the subject line.

Advantages vs. Responsibilities: Technology

One of the beauties of the modern world might just be the technological advantages. I don’t believe that’s the only beauty, but just think of the things it’s allowed people to do.  These advantages come in handy especially for those with a recent change.

For example, one of my best friends is moving eleven hours away next Saturday. What would I do to keep in touch with her other than “snail mail” (or writing letters) at a constant rate? One of the first things we promised each other is to text, call, Skype, Facebook chat, and message one another every day so the transition for both of us will go more smoothly.

What would I do to keep this pledge without technology?  Without the “gift of technology” there would be no way my friend and I would stay in touch. Luckily, these inventions will allow us to stay close, even while remaining across America.
But is it true that these advancements come with great responsibility? Of course, of course, of course. You’ve heard of all the disasters involved with these things. Texting has taken a nasty picture messaging turn. Facebook has leaked pictures, information, and rumors that have caused depression and suicide. Now I’m not trying to scare anyone out there- it’s the reality that everyone has to face in order to be prepared to deal with what happens.
What’s the best way to get rid of these hazards that deal with technology? The answer is pretty different for everyone if you’d go into detail, but I like to follow these three points:
1. Wait- there’s no rush to create a Facebook account, get a cellphone, or that new web-cam. These things should be treated as privileges, not rights, and the time you and your parents decide is the right time… well that’s the right time for you!
2. Be careful- sounds pretty open, right? Being careful means many things. I think the most important thing to be careful of, is watch what you put out there, it remains out there forever. Before doing something online or on your phone that you’d have any doubts about, carefully analyze what you’ll think about it next week, next year. Will it be the kind of thing that could possibly come back to haunt you?
3. Stick with your friends- you don’t have to be the 100% social butterfly technologically. Send messages and associate with the people you know in real life, which means you’ve met them in person.
Sounds like a lot? These are just some of the responsibilities that come with technology. With increasing free time over the summer, more girls will turn to these outlets. But to avoid all in general, make yourself busy! Reserve the minutes for your out of town friends- write a letter!  Just always keep the advantages and responsibilities that come with your devices.  PS…a new movie on Cyberbullying just came out.  Find out more here.

New Cyberbully Movie Airs Tonight

ABC premieres “Cyberbully” the movie tonight on it’s ABC Family Channel.  A real look at what teens face online, the movie follows Taylor, a young girl who has fallen victim to online bullying.

ABC has also teamed up with Seventeen magazine and put together many resources on the Cyberbully movie sight about digital drama and online bullying.  You can even take a poll and see the results about mean things happening online.

Let us know what you think about the new Cyberbully movie and how you’ve dealt with online bullying!

Be a Buddy, Not a Bully

Girl Talk! An Exclusive Event for St. Louis Moms & Their Tween & Teen Daughters

This event is FREE and open to the public.

 Do you ever wish your mom just understood the way you feel? Do you worry about the issues both of you will face in middle and high school? In a quickly changing world where technology is shaping the way we all communicate with each other, and more teens are dealing with peer pressure and stress, parents find it …difficult to keep up and want to know how to help.

 

In this interactive workshop, Carrie Silver-Stock, MSW, LCSW, author and teen expert, will share tips every mom and daughter can use.

What You Will Learn:
· Key issues tweens and teens face and how to talk about it with each other.
· How to talk so you can both hear each other.
· How to create a foundation of trust in your relationship.
· How to stay safe with technology online and offline.
· How to deal with cyber bullying, texting, and the internet.
· How to deal with the Secrets Girls Keep.

Details:  Wednesday, February 16 · 6:30pm – 8:30pm, Ladue Chapel Fellowship Hall, 9450 Clayton Road, Ladue, MO .  Feel free to RSVP on Facebook!

Carrie Silver-Stock, MSW, LCSW, is a social worker and the founder of www.girlswithdreams.com, a social networking site that provides support, advice, and tips on the issues girls struggle with most. She has appeared on NBC, FOX, CBS, and numerous radio programs in addition to contributing articles to many media outlets. She is passionate about hearing and inspiring teens to help them find their own way. Carrie is an award winning author and has written two books, The Powder Box Secrets and Secrets Girls Keep (HCI).

Sexting and Teens: Tips Every Teen Needs to Know

Most teens don’t think about how their favorite cellphone, computer, or flip video can turn into a very dangerous device. A new AP poll found almost 30 percent of teens have been involved with sexting, or sending sexually explicit words or images via text message or online.  And, around 50 percent have been victims of some type of digital bullying.

In this video, our Girls With Dreams team talks about sexting and tips every teen needs to know. 

Here are a few key tips:

• Remember every thing you send is permanent.  Even if you delete a picture or message later, you don’t know how many times that image has already been forwarded or who has seen it.  It is permanent in cyberspace.
• Don’t give into peer pressure.  It’s easy to not think completely about the results of our actions when we get caught up in the moment, so think before you post.
• Anyone can see what you post.  Are you okay with your parents, teachers, neighbors, friends at school, or future employers or college admissions officers seeing pictures your posting? 
• We’d love to hear your questions about comments about sexting!  Talk to us on YouTube or send us a message at info@girlswithdreams.com

Help! My Kid Has a Social Life!

Dr. Tim Jordan, M.D. shares his tips in his article, “Help! My Kid Has a Social Life! (Think Fast Before You Jump In)”
Wherever you are in the school year don’t forget to also prepare yourselves emotionally to support your kids with their friendship issues. 
 
Ahh, friend issues, you know what I’m talking about. Teasing, bullying, exclusion, cliques, harassment, and “You’re not in our club anymore!” are found in most classrooms in most schools and at most grade levels in one form or another.  
 
Parents often feel frustrated, angry, confused, helpless and powerless in these matters. We hurt right along with our kids. Worst case, several parents get in the middle of it and add to the drama.  
 
So, let me give you some suggestions, preventatively, before the action begins and the fur begins to fly, about effective ways to deal with your kids and their friendship issues. 
 
• Listen! Always listen, because your kids want and deserve to be heard and to have their feelings taken seriously. 
 
• Don’t take on their feelings. Don’t feel hurt, feel sorry for them, get angry, etc. Don’t take it personally. Don’t let it mean you are a bad parent.   
 
• Once your child feels heard and their feelings validated, turn the problem-solving over to them. “It sounds like you feel hurt by what Tommy said. What can you do about that? What have you tried? What’s worked in the past?” 
 
Put the ball in their court, so they know they are responsible for their lives. And when they take an action and the situation is resolved, they completely own the results, which builds their social self confidence. 
 
• Don’t overreact to their venting. When we are venting, we don’t always mean exactly what we say, and neither do frustrated kids after a tough day at school. Hear their feelings and mirror them back. Some kids are dramatic by nature and embellish a lot. So know that about them. 
 
• Don’t play emotional hot potato with them. This means you listen when kids vent about the actions of a kid that they “hate,” and once they’re done venting, they walk off feeling lighter and unburdened while you’re left holding onto the feelings and wonder what to do about it. The next day you are still a worried wreck and your child is at school having lunch with that same kid having totally forgotten yesterday’s battle. Don’t take it on. Let things go. Your kids will. 
 
• Don’t connect through pain. Parents who worry too much and overprotect too much and take on their child’s emotions overdo it when their kids come home with friend struggles. Don’t lead them on with questions that assume great hurts and misdeeds. Some kids will make up negative stories because they think that’s what their parent wants to hear. It can become an unhealthy way to connect with each other, through pain. 
 
• Don’t let your child’s stories and struggles cause you to judge other kids and parents. This causes kids to not feel it’s safe to tell you what’s going on. Kids want you to listen and understand, not to judge or hold grudges. 
 
• Don’t bring any of your emotional baggage into it. Our children’s stories and struggles and pains can trigger memories and feelings in us. Unresolved anger, hurt, shame and fears can resurface, causing us to overreact to situations. Kids have enough on their plates handling their own, present-day social scenes. Adding our stuff makes it confusing and unmanageable. 
 
• Don’t leap into your child’s social pool and drown with them. Do listen, commiserate, and tell stories about your experiences growing up that might help them know you really do understand. Do be a sounding board that helps them problem solve and think things through. But stay detached emotionally. You’ve been through all the playground politics.  
 
It’s their life now and their feelings and their lessons and their successes. The more you allow it to be their issue, the easier it becomes for them to figure things out and the more empowered they feel when things turn around. 
 
So even as you are packing their backpacks with supplies, their lunch bags with treats, and their closets with clothes, don’t forget to pack your toolbox with ways to help you to support your child in successfully navigating through all the social ups and downs this school year. Have a great year!   
 
Dr. Tim Jordan and his wife, Anne Jordan, run personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps (Camp Weloki) for kids in grade school, middle school and high school and his private practice is in Chesterfield. To find out more, call (636) 530-1883 or go to www.weloki.com.

Next Page »