Dating Advice on Break Ups & Changing Others

After a bad break-up, I have noticed that couples get upset at each other over everything. Most of their fights can be prevented if they accept who the other person is. I believe that too much time is spent picking out the flaws in someone, and you over-look who they truly are.

If you can’t accept someone for who they are, then you should not change them. Everyone has their perfections and imperfections. It’s a habit to pick out faults: someone picking their friends over their girlfriend, working too much, not calling enough. Most people try to change someone’s habits.  Instead think about breaking the habit of trying to change someone.

You’ll be happier in your next relationship and so will the person you’re with!

Teens and Dating Violence: Secrets Girls Keep Contributor Shares Advice

 Recent headlines of Rihanna’s own struggle with dating violence has given more girls courage to speak up.  We know one in three teen girls will face some form of violence in her dating relationship. One of the teen contributors to the book Secrets Girls Keep by Carrie Silver-Stock shares advice for other teen girls about dating and dating violence.

You can watch her talk about dating violence in this video.

Other stories from teen contributors to Secrets Girls Keep can be found on the Girls With Dreams YouTube Channel as well as the Secrets Girls Keep Fan Site.

Dating Advice Tips from New Moon

The movie New Moon just recently came out, on Friday November 20. I’m sure most of you have seen it or read the book already. If you have, then you know that when Edward leaves Bella, it hurts Bella horribly. She becomes depressed and unsocial. She’s obviously upset…..I mean if the guy you loved all of a sudden left you, wouldn’t you be upset?

But what’s a healthy level of upset? What Bella went through was very unhealthy. She pushed people away, when she should have pulled them in to help support her, and help her get over Edward. It takes her almost 1/3 of a year to finally get back her life…and even then, she’s not totally happy. She’s still delusional about Edward.

Now, I;m not saying that if you break up with a guy, you’re not allowed to cry over him. Of course you should. But don’t dwell on it. Think of a break up as an opportunity to go out and meet new guys. It’s unhealthy to act like Bella did, and it didn’t just affect her, either. Her parents, and her friends were affected, and I’m sure they were hurt.

The bottom line is, if a guy you’re crazy about breaks up, don’t go into an unhealthy depression like Bella did. It’s bad and you’ll end up losing a lot of other things as well.

Dating Advice for Teens: Don’t Let Guys Change You

We have so many pressures to be perfect from everything around us. The two biggest ones? Media and boys. Why do girls dress inappropriately? To impress guys. They feel that if they don’t wear revealing clothing and act a certain way, then guys will never like them. Well I have news for you. If a guy only wants you because of what you look like, DITCH HIM!

I see it every day. Two people start going out, but they only like each other for looks, and not for who they are. That can never last. I’m not saying you should be looking for a husband right now, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a boyfriend who appreciates you as a human being. Ideally, a guy should like the fact that you DON’T dress or act in a “slutty” way, because that means he knows you’re not trying to get the attention of every other guy on the planet while you’re with him.

Guys don’t only effect how girls dress, though. This goes back to the blog about enforcing your boundaries (you should read that!). If he’s urging you to do something you’re not comfortable with, DON’T DO IT. Remember when you were little and you had to practice how to say “no” to strangers? Well the same thing applies here. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for. Don’t be afraid to say no!

I have other news for you too. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I know you hear it from your parents all the time,  but believe it or not, you ARE! I’m not just talking about how you look. You have to be truly confident  inside and out that you are a beautiful and strong young woman who is ready  to take on the world(even if you’re only ready to take on 5th hour). Other people, guys included, will see you glowing with confidence and admire you for that.

Think about some people at school. Who do  you think more of? The girl who only worries that her hair and make up is perfect, with skin tight clothes and the designer bags, and always seems to be frowning? Or the girl who can walk into school with sweatpants and a tshirt on, hair thrown up in a ponytail and a smile on her face, ready for the day? Just think about that for a minute. Now, which one would you rather be?

When you’re done reading this, I want you to do me a favor. It will only take you a minute. Walk to you’re nearest mirror. Stare at yourself for a minute, and tell yourself that you are beautiful, confident, collected, and that you only deserve the best of the best. Because it’s all true!

Do this every once in awhile. I know it sounds weird, but it helps. I do it all the time when I’m getting down on myself!

So remember this:

• Be Confident!
• Be Yourself!
• Don’t settle for a guy who only likes what you look like!
• KNOW that you are BEAUTIIFUL and you deserve the best that life has to offer!

Saving Yourself Is Worth It

Ever since I was younger I have told myself I would wait to have sex until I was married. And even now as an 18-year-old, I still stand behind my word. In the ninth grade,one of my good friends put down me and one of my best friends for not having sex. Ever since then, I’ve realized that what other people think about me doesn’t matter.

I stand by my word for many reasons. When you talk to some people they might think that it’s because I’m a Christian. And though I choose to stick by my religion when making the choice. Religion is not the only reason behind me choosing to stay a virgin.

One of the reasons I chose to wait is because of all the consequences involved in having sex, such as being a teen mom or contracting a sexually transmitted diseases. Why take your chances on any of these?

Another reason I chose to wait is because sometimes it can give you an image you may not want for yourself. If you have sex with one guy and then break up…why not have sex with your next boyfriend? To me this is what girls attitudes are when it comes to having sex. What kind of image do you think this gives of you to guys? Don’t you want to be liked by a guy for who are? Not how far you are willing to go with them?

My last reason I chose to wait to have sex is because it only makes your relationship with a guy more complicated. We are in high school, why would you want such a complicated relationship? Have fun with your boyfriend but don’t put a seriousness on a relationship when you are probably not ready for it. I have a boyfriend and I have been with him for two and a half years. We have a serious relationship but not in the way that makes it complicated. He’s two years older then me and we still choose to wait to have sex because we are not ready.

I plan to save myself for many reasons.

Dating Advice for Teens: Tips for a Great Long-Term Relationship

Our team loves sharing their dating advice.  The best part is, whether you are dating or single, it’s okay!  If you want to be in a long-term relationship or if you are in one already, you won’t want to miss these tips from Stevie on Girls With Dreams TV.

Dating Advice for Teens: How to Deal With Being Single

What’s your attitude when you’re single? Are you stressed out? Do you feel unworthy or are you okay with going solo?

I think it’s really hard being single when all your friends have boyfriends. Whatever your situation is, I think you’ll love Tori’s advice in this video on being single and how she’s dealt with it!

Dating Advice for Teens Part 3: Balance your Priorities

With school starting up, there are a lot of things on our minds. Although you’re busy buying new clothes and stocking up on school supplies, one thing’s always in the back of our minds with a big flashing light: Boys. You summer romance might still be going strong or maybe you’ve found the courage to talk to that guy you’ve always had a crush on. No matter what your boy business is, don’t let it distract you too much.

The important thing now is knowing which is more important: school or guys. I can answer that for you right now. School is more important! You can’t have fun flirting or dating, though, as long as you have the important stuff done. Your first priority should be school and other activities such as sports, school clubs, band, or a job. I have dance three nights a week (although it’s been up to 5 before), and I’m the editor of the podcast at my school.

Although I don’t currently have a boyfriend, I did have one all last year. Somehow I found time to get all my things done, and still spend time with him. He was super busy too, so don’t forget that guys also have other commitments.

Follow these tips to balance your time:

• Figure out how much time to devote to your after-school activities.
• Set aside that amount of time PLUS a little extra for breaks.
• Instead of saving homework for later, do it right when you get home.

Now that that’s out of the way, you have time for the fun things. And don’t forget family!

• Try not to spend every night out. Once you get older and start thinking about moving away to college, you’ll regret missing the family time. Even if that means just watching TV with your parents, it’s important to them.
• If you have a boyfriend, it’s important not to let your friends think you’re ditching them to be with him all the time. It’s also important for your boyfriend to feel like you’re devoting enough time to him. Find a happy balance. If you hung out with your friends all last weekend, spend most of this weekend with your boyfriend. You can even try to include everyone in your plans, if it fits. Your boyfriend can even invite his friends and make it a party! The more the merrier!
• If you don’t have a significant other, but have your eye on the guy you’ve been hanging out with, the same rule applies. Don’t ditch your friends just to chase a guy. You’ll end up losing the guy and possibly losing some friends. I don’t want that happening to you!

There are tons of other ways to balance your time. A lot of it is just getting in a routine that works for you personally.

Have any more good time management ideas? Let us know!

Courageous Teens

I was recently traveling and met a courageous young woman I wanted to tell you about. This wasn’t courage like rescuing someone from a burning building or a heroic act.  It was a silent courage that probably has gone unnoticed by most people.  We bumped into each other during traveling and we talked about some of our life experiences.  I was so impressed with her courage and determination to be true to herself that I wanted to share some of what I gleaned from her in a short time.

Sydney shared with me a time in her life where she was in a long term relationship that was verbally abusive.  She didn’t see how bad things were getting and if it weren’t for one decision of hers, she might still be in a dangerous relationship.  She had an argument with her boyfriend and ended things.  Shortly after that when she was deciding what to do after highschool she decided to leave her town and go out on her own.  Sydney seemed to have bigger visions for her life than anyone around her had ever imagined.  I was so impressed with the courage this must have taken her.  She told me though that many of her friends have kids now and are probably barely 20 years old.  She didn’t want that life for herself.   I hope someday that Sydney and I will meet again and maybe she can tell you the story herself in her own words.  It is these stories we need to hear from each other.

I admired Sydney because she

• Listened to her intuition. She loved her boyfriend but could see it was not benefiting her and she had the courage to leave.  I’ve talked to so many teens who have struggled with dating violence and it’s never easy to figure out what to do.
• Wanted a bigger life for herself.  She went out on her own to find herself even though she was the only one of her friends that chose a different path.
• Has kept her passions alive.  She is working to support herself but is open to figuring out her next steps and how she can use her talents in the best way.

Dating Advice for Teens: How To Enforce Your Boundaries

We’ve all heard this speech a million times, whether it was from your parents, your teachers, or your grandparents, but I can’t stress it enough. You know your boundaries. Don’t be afraid to enforce them. We can all say “I’d NEVER do that!”, but when it comes down to the wire, a lot of girls are scared to say “no”.

If you haven’t been in this situation yet, chances are you will be eventually. It’s not like in the 1950’s movies when the guy says “If you loved me, you’d have sex with me!” or “Come on, everyone’s doing it!” It’s way different these days. There’s pressure to be sexually active from everywhere: movies, magazines, other girls that make it look cool, shallow guys, and pretty much everything else.

Don’t let all those strings pull you away from who you really are! You know what you’re comfortable with when it comes to being sexually active. If a guy starts doing something you’re not comfortable with, tell him to stop. If you think he’ll stop talking to you for telling him no, then he’s not worth talking to in the first place!

Be honest and clear about your boundaries with a guy before things do get that far. But, if it still doesn’t help, use these tips to tell him NO:

• Talk about it before you get into the heat of the moment. It’s a lot easier on both of you this way.
• Don’t feel like you have to give him a reason. No is enough. You don’t have to explain why you feel the way you do. A no is a NO!
• There are a lot of risks that come up with sex that are easy to forget like STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy. This isn’t something to take lightly.
• If he still doesn’t stop after you’ve clearly said no, LEAVE. If you don’t have a way home, call a friend or trusted adult to come get you. It’s better to wait for a ride at a Wal-Mart than to be forced into something you don’t want to do, for your own good reasons.
• Again, if you think that he’ll stop talking to you for telling him no, then he’s not worth talking to in the first place! This isn’t a time to be worrying about your reputation.
• Lastly, don’t give in! No matter how persistent he is, don’t give in to his reasons. We all know some guys just have that charm you think you can’t resist, but trust me, you can!

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