Advice for Teens Whose Parents are Divorcing

Question: My parents just told me they’re splitting up after 17 years of marriage, is it gonna be hard??

Answer from the Girls With Dreams Team:

Yes, it’s going to be hard. I have never personally gone through that, but I know from what I hear it will be. I watched one of my old really good friends go through it. My advice is to not let it ruin you. By that I mean, bring you down. I watched my friend go down so many bad paths. She cried all the time, she let it ruin her life, when it wasn’t her fault. Your parents love you whether they are together or not, and that is all that matters. Keep your head held high and be positive. Talk to a friend that has maybe already been through it. I’ll work on getting a video about this up, but in the mean time don’t dread on it, many kids go through this and you just have to know that in the end everything happens for a reason.

Remember, If you have a question you want to ask our team advice about, please email info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject.  Look for more great advice by teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep (available Nov 2, wherever books are sold).

Advice on Boy Problems

Question: My friend liked this guy who didn’t like her. He liked me and I liked him. He told her that he didn’t like her and that he liked me. Now she hates me because I’m hanging out with him. She’s calling me ugly and shes saying that she doesn’t know why anyone would like me and she’s being really mean and I just need some help. 

Answer from the Teens at Girls With Dreams:

Besides everything going on with a boy between you and your friend, she is saying mean things because she is upset with you and she doesn’t mean what she is saying, because if she didn’t think those things before then why would she think them now?

You have two questions to ask yourself. Is this boy going to be worth it in the end? And… Is your friend a true friend if she is acting like this?

I can’t tell you what to do, only you know the full situation and the personalities of these two people, but I would say before you make any more decision you need to sit down by yourself and really think about the situation. Think about the outcomes that will happen if you make a decision. Talk to your mom or another close friend that you can trust who you know wont say anything. I’m not saying to go talk smack on her, but sometimes you need to vent and maybe that will help.

As girls we need to stand by each other and be strong, but maybe your friend is weighing you down, or maybe this boy is ruining your friendship…maybe you need to forget about the whole situation and pretend like it never happened.

Think about how you would feel if you were in your friends situation, how would you want someone to handle it when talking to you.

You and your friend probably need to sit and talk. Key word is talk! Let her know that you care about her, and that you’re sorry for upsetting her, but you really like this boy. Ask her what she wants from you… In a perfect world what would she want you to do.

Honestly, a lot of friends are going to come and go, and your best friends will stick with you no matter what. Just be sure to not stir up any more drama and try to get the whole thing to just end. Don’t talk bad about your friend, and show you’re the bigger person. Just make sure to end in peace with each other whether you decide to stay friends or not.

If you have a question you want to ask our team advice about, please email info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject.  Look for more great advice by teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep (available Nov 2, wherever books are sold).

Advice for When Friends Are Drinking and Doing Drugs

What do you do when one of your close friends starts doing weed or drugs or starts drinking? How should you handle it? Do you have an intervention? Or do you leave it alone and continue to let them ruin their life?

Answered by our Teen Girls With Dreams Team:

This is a tough question and it’s a problem for a lot of people. I know so many people who have gone down the wrong path because of drugs and drinking, it’s a sad thing. If one of your close friends is doing drugs or drinking, the only thing you can really do is talk to them. Ask them to go to a coffee shop with you, or to the mall and tell them how you feel, and that you care about them and that’s why you’re telling them that you wish they wouldn’t do drugs. If it’s to hard for you to do in person, because sometimes the people we are closest too, are the hardest to talk to about these touchy subjects. If that is the case, then write them a letter or a send them a text. One of the two biggest keys to talking to them is

1. Use “I” messages. I know what sounds like 5th grade all over again, but it makes a difference. Say “I feel… I don’t think this is best.” because when you say “You do this, or you do that” You’re putting blame on them and you want them to know you’re trying to help not lose them as a friend.

2. Don’t be their mom. Although you’re trying to help them, by being “mom” you may push them away. So saying this like “As a friend I care about you.” And not telling them what to do, like “You need to stop doing drugs, or you need to stop drinking.”

3.  Try finding other things for you and your friend to do instead of them drinking or doing drugs. Maybe they think there is nothing better to do. Show your friend you can have fun by doing other things. Maybe have a sleepover together with a couple other friends, go to a movie, or do something else new.

I would say never don’t do something because you are scared of what people think. Be your own person and help your friend out, that’s what friends are for… They are there through thick and thin, through bad time and good times. One day your peers will realize how strong of a person you are for doing that. And although you’re friend may get upset with you for saying things, she will thank you in the end.  Sometimes you have to do something you don’t want to, because it best from someone else.

Finally, here’s a few questions to think about:  What’s will you lose by talking to your friend? What will happen if you don’t? If you were in her position would you want someone to talk to you and tell you it’s dumb to do drugs or drink?

If you have a question you want to ask our team advice about, please email info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject.  Look for more great advice by teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep (available Nov 2, wherever books are sold).

I want to go to Homecoming, but I don’t have a date.

You asked…I want to go to Homecoming, but I don’t have a date, so now what?

Don’t sweat it!  Here’s a few things you might consider.

1. Boost your own confidence.  When you don’t have a date, many girls immediately think, there must be something wrong with me.  To the contrary…keep your head up high and take note of your best qualities.  Are you athletic?  smart? funny?  If you get stuck, ask your friends for help.
2. Consider going with a group of friends.  This is wildly popular in some schools.  Alot of girls prefer to go with another group of friends, or find a group of girls and guys to go together in a large group.
3. Think about doing it differently this year.  You don’t always have to wait for him to ask you.
4. If you decide to not go to Homecoming this year, that’s fine too, just make sure you plan a fun night for yourself.  Ask a friend over, get your favorite movie, have a DIY spa…get the idea?

If you have a question you want to ask our team advice about, please email info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject.  Look for more great advice by teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep (available Nov 2, wherever books are sold).

New Ask For Advice Column Added at Girls With Dreams.com

You asked for it, and we gave it to you.  Girls have been wanting a place to post their questions and our Girls With Dreams team will give you their advice. 

Whatever type of question you might have about your life as a teen, we are here and want to help.  Email your questions to info@girlswithdreams.com with ADVICE in the heading and then watch for a blog post with your answer.  Your name and contact information will be kept confidential.