Teen Advice: How to Deal With Friends, Drinking, & Drugs

Recently, a young woman wrotea us and wanted to know how to deal with a tough situation.  One of her best friends has started drinking and doing drugs and doesn’t want to spend time with her anymore.  Their friendship is falling apart.  Here’s what our teen advisors had to say.

Advice #1

I think your best option here is to write her a letter telling her how you feel. Be honest with her, tell her that you love her and that she is your best friend and friends are there through the good times and the bad. I think she will come around eventually, it’s just going to take a lot to get there. I would just keep trying and don’t give up on her, even if she has turned her back on you, don’t turn your back on her because one day she will see just how good of a friend you are for being there for her no matter what.

Advice #2

Losing someone close to you is hard no matter what, and losing a best friend to drugs and alcohol is can be even harder.  There is something to keep in mind though. Drugs and alcohol is really serious matter. Although you love your friend and would do anything to help her, you have to know that the situation may be out of your hands. The first thing you need to do is go to a trusted adult. A mother, aunt, school counselor…. Any adult that you can talk to. The adult has at least some power to get your friend help, which is the most important thing right now.
If your friend resists every one of your efforts to help her through this, she isn’t realizing how much she means to you, or what a great friend you are. But you can’t stay in this situation, for your sake. If you were to continue in this situation, it could be classified as an unhealthy relationship. Don’t let yourself get caught in one of these, because let me tell you, they are hard to get out of. It much more healthy for you to be aware of yourself before anyone else, no mater how important they are to you. I wish you the best of luck with your friend, and I apologize that you’re going through this.

If you have a issue you’re struggling with and want our teens to help, please email us at info@girlswithdreams.com with ADVICE in the subject line.

Teen Advice: What to Do When You Feel Like You Have No Friends

We love hearing real questions you’re dealing with.  When girls email questions they have to info@girlswithdreams.com our teen panel answers with support.  Recently, we received a question about how to make friends.  Here’s what we had to say.

The Question About Friends:
Okay, I’m 16 years old and I’m a junior in high school (i’ve attended the same school my entire life.) At my high school, there are about 1,500 students. And it seems as though everyone has a friend and a clique they belong to. But for me, that has never been the case. Ever since my freshmen year, I have felt so lonely and as though I have absolutely no friends.
At lunch, I sit with just a group of people who I don’t even know that well (they literally will not talk.) I try to conversate with them but day after day, it’s no reply. Sorry, I guess I need to get to the point but, I have just never had that group friends to talk to, to vent to, to hang out with, or to just to eat lunch with. And now that it’s my last two years of school, I want to make the best of it. Our school has been in session for almost three weeks now, and I feel as isolated as ever. I just want to have that group of friends. Even my parents have told me that I’m not “social” enough, but it’s like they just don’t understand. I have always felt like I don’t fit in, and all I want is to fit in. I just want someone to eat lunch with, hang out with… I don’t know what to do, I just need to vent to someone, so that’s why I messaged ya’ll. So please, help me!

Answer #1:  For some people, fitting in is difficult. In all of middle school, I could NOT find a group of friends to hang out with. I had “friends” at school, but they always made plans when I was there and never invited me. I was so left out. I would call 20 people in one night, to see if someone wanted to hang out, but generally no one could. I felt like a such a loser. But then, I joined field hockey and lacrosse and suddenly, I was hanging out with people who were like me: cared about grades, same interests, same humor, just a lot of similarities. It made me feel like I belonged.

My point is, try joining a club, or sport, or some activity at your school. And if theres nothing that appeals to you, start a club! If you don’t want to do that, look at your church or temple or religious place of prayer and see if there’s a youth group you can join. My bestest friends in the entire WORLD are in my youth group at temple and almost my entire social life is with people in my youth group. I would highly recommend joining a youth group if possible.

Finally, get involved. Go up to people and introduce yourself. Or, even, just find another person who’s sittng by themselves, or someone who doesnt appear to be fitting in, and talk to them. Chances are, there’s at LEAST one person at your school who feels the same way.

Answer #2:  I know high school is hard and there are so many things you have to take in when you are there and it nice to have friends to help you along the way. I was a lot like you in middle school where I didn’t have many people to go to, but in high school I started getting involved which helped me a lot. Try different groups to get involved in, even if you don’t think it’s right for you. I took journalism and never thought I would like writing and then I was on yearbook and it was probably the best thing I ever did. And just because you go to some meetings doesn’t mean you have to commit to the group. Try getting in some big groups like Student Council and then some small groups like Debate or something. You never know the people you may meet. The more you put yourself out there, the better. And maybe school isn’t the place for you to have all your friends. Maybe it’s something in your community you can get involved with. Just don’t be afraid to try something new.

Advice for Teens Whose Parents are Divorcing

My parents just told me they’re splitting up after 17 years of marriage. Is it gonna be hard?

Answer from the Girls With Dreams team:

Yes, it’s going to be hard. I have never personally gone through that, but I know from what I hear that it will be. I watched one of my good friends go through it. My advice is to not let it ruin you. By that, I mean don’t let it bring you down. I watched my friend go down so many bad paths. She cried all the time and she let it ruin her life even though it wasn’t her fault. Your parents love you whether they are together or not, and that is all that matters. Keep your head held high and be positive. Talk to a friend that has already been through it. I’ll work on uploading a video about this, but don’t dwell on it in the meantime. Many kids go through this and you just have to know that in the end, everything happens for a reason.

Remember, If you have a question for our team, email us at info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject line. Look for more great advice from our teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep.

Advice on Boy Problems

My friend liked this guy who didn’t like her. He liked me and I liked him. He told her that he didn’t like her and that he liked me. Now she hates me because I’m hanging out with him. She’s calling me ugly and saying she doesn’t know why anyone would like me. She’s being really mean and I just need some help.

Answer from the Girls With Dreams team:

Boy problems aside, your friend is saying mean things because she is upset with you. She must not mean what she is saying, though, because why would she think these mean things about you now if she didn’t believe them before she was upset with you?

You have two questions to ask yourself:

1. Is this boy going to be worth it in the end?
2. Is your friend a true friend if she is acting like this?

I can’t tell you what to do. Only you know the full situation and the personalities of these two people. Before you make any more decisions, you need to sit down by yourself and really think about the situation. Consider the outcomes that will result from each decision. Ask your mom or a close friend that you can trust for their feedback. Plus, sometimes you just need to vent.

As girls, we need to stand by each other and be strong, but maybe your friend is weighing you down. Maybe this boy is ruining your friendship. Maybe you need to forget about the whole situation and pretend like it never happened.

Think about how you would feel if you were in your friend’s situation. How would you want someone to handle it when talking to you?

You and your friend probably need to sit and talk. The key word is talk! Let her know you care about her and you’re sorry for upsetting her, but that you really like this boy. Ask her what she wants from you. What would she want you to do in a perfect world?

Honestly, a lot of friends are going to come and go. Your best friends will stick with you no matter what. Just try not to stir up any more drama as you try to find a solution. Don’t talk about your friend behind her back so you can demonstrate that you’re the bigger person. Hopefully, the two of you can arrive at a peaceful agreement, whether you decide to stay friends or not.

Remember, If you have a question for our team, email us at info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject line. Look for more great advice from our teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep.

Dealing with Friends Who Are Drinking and Doing Drugs

What do you do when one of your close friends starts smoking weed, doing drugs or starts drinking? How should you handle it? Do you stage an intervention or do you ignore and continue to let them ruin their life?

Answer from the Girls With Dreams team:

This is a tough question and it’s a problem for a lot of people. I know so many people who have gone down the wrong path because of drugs and drinking. It’s a sad thing. If one of your close friends is doing drugs or drinking, the only thing you can really do is talk to them. Ask them to go to a coffee shop or the mall with you and tell them how you feel. Make sure they know you’re telling them you wish they wouldn’t do drugs because you care about them. If starting the conversation is too hard to do in person, organize your thoughts in a letter or a send them a text. Remember these tips:

1. Use “I” messages. Using phrases such as “I feel…” or “I don’t think this is best” rather than “You need…” or “You should…” removes the blame from them. You want them to know you’re trying to help while not losing them as a friend.
2. Don’t be their mom. Although you’re trying to help them, you might push them away. Say things such as “As a friend, I care about you” instead of trying to tell them what to do.
3. Think of other activities for you and your friend. They might think there is nothing better than doing drugs, but try to show your friend how you can have fun by doing other things. Invite the girls over for a slumber party or go to a movie.

Never stop yourself from doing something because you’re afraid of what people think. Be your own person and help your friend out. That’s what friends are for. True friends are there through thick and thin, through bad time and good times. One day your peers will realize how strong of a person you are for speaking up. And although your friend might get upset with you, she will thank you in the end for caring.

Finally, here’s a few questions to think about:

1. What will you lose by talking to your friend?
2. What will happen if you don’t talk to your friend?
3. If you were in your friend’s position, wouldn’t you want someone to talk to you?

Remember, If you have a question for our team, email us at info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject line. Look for more great advice from our teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep.

Advice for Going Stag to Homecoming

I want to go to Homecoming, but I don’t have a date. So now what?

Answer from the Girls With Dreams team:

Don’t sweat it!  Here’s a few things you might consider:

1. Boost your own confidence. Many girls think there must be something wrong with them when they don’t have a date. Keep your head up high and take note of your best qualities. Are you athletic, smart, funny or all of the above? Ask your friends for help if you get stuck.
2. Consider going to Homecoming with a group of friends. You won’t have to worry about what he’s thinking as you and your ladies hit the dance floor.
3. You don’t always have to wait for him to ask you. Think about doing it differently this year.
4. If you decide not to go to Homecoming, that’s fine too. Just make sure you plan a fun night for yourself. Invite a friend over for a movie and manicures!

Remember, If you have a question for our team, email us at info@girlswithdreams.com and put ADVICE in the subject line. Look for more great advice from our teens on Girls With Dreams TV and in Carrie’s new book, Secrets Girls Keep.

Girls With Dreams.com Advice Column Added

You asked for it, and we gave it to you! Email your questions to info@girlswithdreams.com with ADVICE in the subject line and our Girls With Dreams team will respond on our blog.

Whatever type of question you might have about your life as a teen, we are here to help. Your name and contact information will be kept confidential.