Bullying and Suicide: Learning from Phoebe

Phoebe Prince’s recent suicide has reminded us again we’re all not doing enough to stop bullying in whatever form it comes:  harassment, name calling, cyber bullying, physical violence, or sexual violence.

Phoebe was only 15 when she committed suicide this January.  This is a complete tragedy.  Yesterday, nine students were charged in various crimes that were committed against Phoebe and even more were diciplined and removed from school today in Massachusetts.

This could have been prevented and should have been prevented.  All of us need to do better:  teens, parents, educators, and mentors to young people.  What do you think teens should do to prevent this type of thing from happening again?  What do you think adults need to do?

Here are a few tips for teens on how to deal with bullying:

-First, look at your situation.  Are you the bully, bystander, victim, or friend?  In Secrets Girls Keep, on page 111, I share a quick quiz where you can figure out which one you are.  Depending on which category you fit in, you might have a different role.

–If you are the victim, I’m truly sorry this is happening to you.  It can feel incredibly lonely and isolating but know that there are many other teens who deal with this too.  You need to start by getting the right support around you.  Find an adult you trust to let them know what is going on.  Create a plan with them where you can be safe and that can work on changing your situation.  Find a grown up who listens and who is willing to help you see this through.

–If you are the bystander, this means you don’t usually start the bullying but you don’t do anything to stop it.  Most teens don’t stop the bully because they are fearful if they stand up to them, then they will be the next victim.  See what you can do to take action.  It might mean you gather a few friends together and you stand up to the bully.  It might mean you privately let an adult know what is going on, or it could mean you offer the victim your support.  Social pressure goes a long way with bullies.  Believe me, I know it’s a difficult road to stand up and take a different path.  Make sure you surround yourself with friends and mentors who can support you.

–If you are a bully, think about how this is working for you.  What do you gain and lose by harassing other kids?  Are you able to put yourself in their shoes for a moment and think about the negative impact you might be having on others?  Have you thought about criminal charges that might be brought up against you?  If you’re ready to make a change, congratulations.  It might not be easy because most likely this has been going on for some time.  It will most likely require talking to an adult you trust and think about getting a counselor to support you.  You help you figure out how bullying others has helped you or hurt you.  They can help you look at how you’ve been bullied if that’s the case and how you can begin to change.

This is clearly just the beginning to figuring out how to deal with bullies.  Watch for more videos, blog posts, and articles related to this important topic.  We all need to do better and take a stand so no more lives like Phoebe’s will be lost.

If you have a question or comment about bullying you’d like to share with us, you can write is at info@girlswithdreams.com with  ADVICE in the subject line.