Fighting with Best Friends

Friends are made for fighting.  Sound a bit too pessimistic? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that it’s true. When you think about it, it really makes a lot of sense. Your friends are like practice for the real world. They’re there to make sure you know how to deal with conflicts people throw your way. And boy do they do just that.

It’s pretty reasonable to think that I’ve been fighting with a friend. Extremely, one hundred percent accurate, actually. This is one of my best friends I’m talking about, which hurts a lot, because sure we’ve been through rough times before, but we haven’t spoken for days other than a few exchanged text messages, and they haven’t been good.

This is my very best friend I’m talking about here. I don’t know if any of you girls have experienced a fight with your very best friend, but it hurts, a lot.

I walk onto my bus everyday, waiting to see her there sitting on the seat where we go everyday, waiting for me. I mean, she always is. But sometimes I get this feeling that she just doesn’t want me to be there. So, I guess that’s where it all started. I got a feeling, it turned out to be true, and look where it got me… not speaking to my best friend.

I’m not sure if I can even call her that anymore. But, I feel like I need to or else I will literally explode. Well not literally, but you know.

So I guess when I’m older someday, I’ll look back at this and thank her. At least that’s what all of the adults I’ve talked to about this little situation have told me. She’s teaching me a lesson… I know. But for now, it feels more like I’m being walked all over by the girl that I’m supposed to be able to trust with my life. Oh best friends sometimes…

What Do Your Spring Break Plans Look Like?

As soon as the three o-clock bell rolled around, my whole school was ready for spring break. There was not a single person I could think of that didn’t have extravagant plans, or overall excitement for the week long break that marked the year nearly over.

My big exciting plans did not include going to Florida, or Las Vegas, or any extremities (although that is always fun). I was simply planning on taking a weekend trip to the Lake of the Ozarks with my family. Yeah, it was with my family, I know some girls have this thing about being with family, but it was probably the best trip I’ve ever taken.

The whole time, there was no drama. And no “She said…. and then he said…. and I don’t know what to do!!” Instead, I got the luxury of being alone with my family, away from the technology. We went mini golfing. We saw movies. We went out to dinner without thinking “Is my hair ok…?” That’s the nicest thing about family. I don’t have to worry.

This spring break was amazing. There was nothing I would change about it, and I’m glad I decided to spend time with family, it was worth it. Now I’m just waiting for summer….

“Change”

Some people see change as a good thing; a way to explore new things and ideas. Unfortunately, the rest of us are intimidated by new experiences and the unknown.

Change is never easy, wether it involves dealing with a breakup, your parents’ divorce, or going to college. Which is why a lot of teens are so afraid of change. As if we don’t have enough to worry about with school, work and our social lives’ we have to go through all of this stuff too? Craziness, I know.

But the truth of the matter is, change is  inevitable. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, it’s going to happen eventually. So, what’s a teen to do?

Well, I have found the only way to make it through a tough transformation is acceptance. Whatever you do, never run from it. Acceptance is allowing yourself to completely understand the situation. At first there will be a feeling of shock, of course, but don’t let that feeling control you. It’s normal to grief about a big change for a while, but when its all said in done the only choice you can control is your own. As a teens, our decisions are our most powerful asset. The worst decision that a teen could make while going through any sort of change is letting the situation hinder other aspects in thier life.

The first step of acceptance is to calm down and come to terms with yourself and the circumstances. Accept the change and try to find the brighter side of things, no matter how difficult it may seem. I’ve personally found after accepting the situation for what it is, it turns out not to be as bad as it was in the beginning.

So teens, remeber to stay focused because every problem has a solution!

Be a Buddy, Not a Bully

When Will CyberBullying Stop?

I received a text message last night from one of our Girls With Dreams team members. A tragedy struck in the St. Louis community. A tragedy like so many that have occured around our country as a result of cyberbullying. A young person took his life because of being bullied.  This is not okay.  When is this going to stop?  We all need to do better. We need to help each other, help our children, our friends, our schools, our communities. Our hearts and prayers go out to all of the loved ones who have been impacted by this loss or the loss of someone they love. We wanted to share some of the stories and resources you might find helpful on this subject.

Girls With Dreams blogs about CyberBullying
Girls With Dreams TV talks about CyberBullying
Cruel’s Not Cool (A Facebook Group Dedicated to Ending Cruelty)
Girls With Dreams talks about how to deal with tragedy and loss

A Good Way to Be Productive

Sometimes it’s hard to be productive and even though you have so much to do, it all just seems so overwhelming.

Here are a couple tips that will hopefully help you stay on track.

- Make a list of everything you have to get done that day. Then make a list of everything you have to get done that week.

- Number everything for the day from most important to least important.

- Think of some rewards you can give yourself for finishing everything. (Maybe put a quarter into a piggy bank every time you get something done, then at the end of the week or month, spend the money!)

- Figure out how long you have to finish everything then figure out how long each thing should take.

- Set a goal and make sure it’s realistic. Maybe somethings need to hold off to the next day.

- Start your list with a positive attitude! Maybe listen to some upbeat music that can get you pumped up to finish everything.

Then begin!

Teens Dealing With Sexual Abuse Part 2: Books & Resources

I received an email from a young woman who had read Secrets Girls Keep.  She wrote me because she had been a victim of sexual abuse.  Secrets Girls Keep covers lots of issues girls deal with from friends, to boyfriends, to school, and even sexual abuse.  This young woman wanted to continue the discusssion about sexual abuse and how teen girls can heal from this.  In the first blog post, she offered her perspective and advice that helped her.  In this post, we have a list of book recommendations and other resources.

 Books and Websites that Might be Helpful
Some books I found helpful were:  Why me? By: Lynn Daugherty,  How Long Does It Hurt?  By Cynthia L. Mather, Shining Through By: Mindy B. Loiselle, It Happened To Me (Workbook) By: William Lee Carter, Healing Your Aloneness Workbook By: Margaret Paul and Erika Chopich, and

The Right To Innocence  By: Beverly Engel **The first 75 pages or so I didn’t particularly like I guess. The very beginning is more aimed towards adults looking back at childhood sexual abues, but that’s only the first few pages or so. THe rest of those 75 pages is what sexual abuse is and different types and just explaining it and such. After those pages I found the rest extremely helpful.
Also, take time to “research yourself.” By this I mean do research about what happened to you. For friends and family of survivors, they are affected too as “secondary survivors.”  You might want to try: http://www.pandys.org/articles/tipsforfriends.html   My friends found that particular one helpful.

Teens Dealing With Sexual Abuse Part 1

I received an email from a young woman who had read Secrets Girls Keep.  She wrote me because she had been a victim of sexual abuse.  Secrets Girls Keep covers lots of issues girls deal with from friends, to boyfriends, to school, and even sexual abuse.  This young woman wanted to continue the discusssion about sexual abuse and how teen girls can heal from this.  The book has a short section on this topic and she felt parts of it could have been worded differently or explained further.  She offered to help share her perspective with other girls.  In this blog series, you can hear what she has to say. 

You’re Not Alone

“I think it’s important to just get the word out because just going through sexual abuse made me feel like I had never been more alone in the world. Girls need to know that they are most certainly not alone, we need support of others and they’re waiting with open arms to support you. You aren’t going be a bother or hurt anyone’s feelings by talking to them. People want to be a part of your life, no matter who you are. People really do care. Get help, even if the thought of it terrifies you. It won’t make it worse if you seek help, only make it better and safer for you. Everyone who’s going through abuse of any kind needs someone to step in for them, and lend them a hand when they most need it.

I told my teacher, but you can reach out to anyone, a trusted adult, a good and trusting friend, another family member, a parent, etc. We all need help and don’t be afraid to seek it. Share your feelings and let yourself feel them.  Everything you are feeling if you’ve been sexually abused or even just abused, is not abnormal. We all feel the same frustration, loneliness, guilt, sadness, depression, anger, and a good deal of other things. I know that you probably want to shove these feelings away, but it’s important to feel these feelings. You’ve probably pushed these things down and away for so long, but everyone has a right and a need to feel them.

Reactions to Abuse

It’s also completely normal, not good but normal, to develop an eating disorder for a source of control. Many girls develop a variety of eating disorders when or after being sexually abused. It is normally because of a need to control something in their life because the abuse is something a victim has absolutely no control over whatsoever. Be sure to tell someone about it if you have developed one, and just work through it. It will be ok. There’s no need to be ashamed of it, I’m working through mine as well, and it is getting better. No one who matters will judge you because of it, and you don’t have to tell everyone. Just someone you trust and someone who can help you or help you to find someone who can. Also, the abuse was not your fault at all!!! It’s something hard to realize that you had no power, but it really is true, no matter what you want to tell yourself. Put yourself in someone else’s position and look back on the abuse. You’ll realize that there was absolutely nothing you could’ve done. I’m  truly sorry. No matter what the abuser said like, “You wanted it.” or “You asked for it.” You didn’t and it was in no way your fault.

Lastly, it’s entirely normal to develop an anxiety disorder, have panic attacks, flashbacks, and / or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You’ve suffered something traumatic, and you’re mind has been in “survival mode” and you’ve done what you had to because you made it through. Because your brain and body has been in “survival mode” it’s trying to kind of realize that it can just kind of relax and be safe. I know that this might be painful, but to start to let go and not be constantly remember he abuse you really do need to think about it. What’s basically happening is that your brain has blocked out the memories for so long because your mind is thinking if you block it out it won’t be real, but it is and it’s ok to know that it is real. So, you’re heart knows what happened, but your brain wants to know too, and so, this might sound strange but, your heart and your brain are kind of fighting to know what happened and that’s why it’s constantly on your mind or popping into your mind. It’s ok to tell your brain what happened  and let yourself think about. It will let your brain start to relax, and let go of thinking about it constantly.

For more ideas on how to deal with sexual abuse, look at part 2 of this series  which includes books and other resources that helped her deal with sexual abuse.

Back to School Tips: How to Deal With Peer Pressure

With the school year underway for most everyone, it means peer pressure at schol is back too! Our team wanted to share a few ideas for how you can deal with peer pressure and your friends. Check out their tips in this video.

How Do You Use Your Intuition?

Getting used to using your intuition is one of the most important things we can do. But, what does that mean, and how do we use it? Our team sat down to talk about how to make tough choices and decisions while using your intuition.

« Previous Page — Next Page »