Do You Know Anyone with an Eating Disorder?

Since this is Eating Disorder Awareness Week, it seemed like the right time to share a personal story about eating disorders. It starts small; first it’s just a few pounds, but you gradually begin to think that you’re not thin enough when you look in the mirror. You even start to think that you look fat despite your actual appearance. Everything becomes a calculated decision: no more French fries, sodas, sweets, or any other kind of food. Food becomes your enemy and it becomes a complete obsession. This is my eating disorder began.

I was about 5 feet 8 inches and dropped from 135 to 118 pounds. I wasn’t quite bone thin, but I was bordering on becoming too thin. I didn’t reach out for help. Everything was “fine” although I was still fat and never thin enough in my eyes.

I wish I had gotten help for several reasons. First, I wasted so many years thinking and obsessing about what I looked like. Second, I didn’t realize how unhealthy I really was. Even though I was thin, I was sure I wasn’t eating a healthy or balanced diet. Third, I didn’t truly realize my own worth or beauty. I wish that teen girls knew that there is so much more to think about than our size. Hopefully you’ll find tips from other girls like Thu’s post, Do you like your body? We also have a few videos about self image eating disorders on YouTube.

If you think one of your friends has an eating disorder, follow these steps from the National Eating Disorder Association:

Make time to talk. Set aside a time to talk privately about your concerns with your friend. Be open and honest. Make sure to pick a place without distractions.

Express your concerns. Give your friend specific examples of when you were worried about her eating or exercise behaviors. Explain that you think these instances might mean that she needs professional help.

Ask your friend to open up about how she’s feeling. She could talk to a counselor or doctor who knows about eating issues. If you feel comfortable, offer to help your friend make an appointment or go with her to her appointment.

Avoid conflict. If your friend doesn’t admit to a problem, share your feelings again and the reasons behind them. Be a supportive listener.

Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Do not use accusatory “you” statements such as, “You just need to eat” or “You are acting irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements such as, “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch” or “It makes me afraid to think about what you must be going through.”

Avoid giving simple solutions. Don’t say things such as, “If you’d just stop, then everything would be fine!”

Offer your unwavering support. Remind your friend that you care and want her to be healthy and happy.

Know someone struggling?

Depression, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, addiction…so many girls struggle with mental health issues every day, yet are too afraid to ask for help.  There is a new resource we love.  Critical Mental Health Resources for College Students. Check it out and please pass it on to a friend!

Teens Dealing With Sexual Abuse Part 1

I received an email from a young woman who had read Secrets Girls Keep.  She wrote me because she had been a victim of sexual abuse.  Secrets Girls Keep covers lots of issues girls deal with from friends, to boyfriends, to school, and even sexual abuse.  This young woman wanted to continue the discusssion about sexual abuse and how teen girls can heal from this.  The book has a short section on this topic and she felt parts of it could have been worded differently or explained further.  She offered to help share her perspective with other girls.  In this blog series, you can hear what she has to say. 

You’re Not Alone

“I think it’s important to just get the word out because just going through sexual abuse made me feel like I had never been more alone in the world. Girls need to know that they are most certainly not alone, we need support of others and they’re waiting with open arms to support you. You aren’t going be a bother or hurt anyone’s feelings by talking to them. People want to be a part of your life, no matter who you are. People really do care. Get help, even if the thought of it terrifies you. It won’t make it worse if you seek help, only make it better and safer for you. Everyone who’s going through abuse of any kind needs someone to step in for them, and lend them a hand when they most need it.

I told my teacher, but you can reach out to anyone, a trusted adult, a good and trusting friend, another family member, a parent, etc. We all need help and don’t be afraid to seek it. Share your feelings and let yourself feel them.  Everything you are feeling if you’ve been sexually abused or even just abused, is not abnormal. We all feel the same frustration, loneliness, guilt, sadness, depression, anger, and a good deal of other things. I know that you probably want to shove these feelings away, but it’s important to feel these feelings. You’ve probably pushed these things down and away for so long, but everyone has a right and a need to feel them.

Reactions to Abuse

It’s also completely normal, not good but normal, to develop an eating disorder for a source of control. Many girls develop a variety of eating disorders when or after being sexually abused. It is normally because of a need to control something in their life because the abuse is something a victim has absolutely no control over whatsoever. Be sure to tell someone about it if you have developed one, and just work through it. It will be ok. There’s no need to be ashamed of it, I’m working through mine as well, and it is getting better. No one who matters will judge you because of it, and you don’t have to tell everyone. Just someone you trust and someone who can help you or help you to find someone who can. Also, the abuse was not your fault at all!!! It’s something hard to realize that you had no power, but it really is true, no matter what you want to tell yourself. Put yourself in someone else’s position and look back on the abuse. You’ll realize that there was absolutely nothing you could’ve done. I’m  truly sorry. No matter what the abuser said like, “You wanted it.” or “You asked for it.” You didn’t and it was in no way your fault.

Lastly, it’s entirely normal to develop an anxiety disorder, have panic attacks, flashbacks, and / or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You’ve suffered something traumatic, and you’re mind has been in “survival mode” and you’ve done what you had to because you made it through. Because your brain and body has been in “survival mode” it’s trying to kind of realize that it can just kind of relax and be safe. I know that this might be painful, but to start to let go and not be constantly remember he abuse you really do need to think about it. What’s basically happening is that your brain has blocked out the memories for so long because your mind is thinking if you block it out it won’t be real, but it is and it’s ok to know that it is real. So, you’re heart knows what happened, but your brain wants to know too, and so, this might sound strange but, your heart and your brain are kind of fighting to know what happened and that’s why it’s constantly on your mind or popping into your mind. It’s ok to tell your brain what happened  and let yourself think about. It will let your brain start to relax, and let go of thinking about it constantly.

For more ideas on how to deal with sexual abuse, look at part 2 of this series  which includes books and other resources that helped her deal with sexual abuse.

Have You Read the Body Scoop For Girls?

Teens talk about Depression, Dating Violence, and Secrets

Secrets Girls Keep is filled with stories of other girls just like you.  Carrie, the author, sat down and talked with some of the girls whose stories appeared in the book.  In November, we will feature a special video series covering many topics.  Below is a schedule of events.  Check back here or the Girls With Dreams TV on Youtube to watch!

Tuesday November 2: Dealing with Grief (part 1)

Friday November 5th:  Dealing With Your Self Image & Dealing with Grief (part 2)

Thursday November 12:  Dealing with Divorce Part 1 and Part 2

Tuesday November 17: Dealing with Dating:  How Far is Too Far?

Thursday November 19:  Dealing with Eating Disorders

Monday Noveber 23:  Dealing with Depression

Monday November 30: Dealing with Dating Violence

Wanna get the book?  You can order it online or find it wherever books are sold!  Or, find out more about the book every teen needs to have at the Secrets Girls Keep fan site!

Can you Stop the Fat Talk?

Did you know that this week (Oct 19-23) is Fat Talk Free Week? This international, 5-day body activism campaign draws attention to body image issues and the damaging impact of the thin ideal on women in society. This annual public awareness effort was born from Tri Delta’s award-winning body image education and eating disorders prevention program, Reflections: Body Image Program™.

Here are a few statistics from the End Fat Talk Campaign website:

• 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9- and 10 -year-old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet. (Mellin LM, Irwin CE & Scully S, 1992)
• Barbie, the best selling fashion doll in the world, has unattainable and unhealthy body proportions. If she were alive, her waist would be smaller than patients with anorexia nervosa, and she would be unable to menstruate. Research shows that young girls (ages 5-7) who are exposed to Barbie want a thinner body than they have. (Dittmar, Halliwell, & Ive, 2006)

If you’re ready to join thousands of other teens and women who want to stop the fat talk, you can sign the End Fat Talk Promise! I signed it and I hope you will too! What a great reason to start banning negative thoughts from your self-image! Forget thoughts such as, “I need to lose ten pounds,” “I’m so fat,” or “I’ll never look like her…” What would our world be like if we could eliminate fat talk?

Dangerous Secrets Girls Keep and How to Help

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: Elaine Krackau, PR by the Book, LLC | elaine@prbythebook.com | 512-733-5145

 

Anorexia, abuse, sexual activity, fear of rejection…

Dangerous secrets girls keep and how to help

(ST. LOUIS) Girls love secrets. In many ways, teen girls are trapped by the cult of secrecy that exists today. It is as part of this cult that so many girls hide their depression, eating disorders, pregnancies, and sexual relationships.

Secrets Girls Keep: What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence (HCI Books, Nov 2009) by teen expert Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., shows teens that when they help share their stories without judgment, they begin to break down the walls and ensure better and safer choices for their futures. Many girls today struggle with feelings of low confidence, loneliness, rejection, and depression and then look to unsafe sex, drugs and alcohol for comfort and answers.

Secrets Girls Keep shares the personal stories of other girls as they share their secrets, showing the reader that she is not alone in her struggles. Each chapter tackles a separate issue that is relevant to teenage girls today along with stories and seven tips they can use to overcome those issues. Silver-Stock helps girls think for themselves, explore their own feelings and gives them ways to open dialogue with parents, teachers and others. Topics include:

• Feel beautiful without going on a crash diet

• Navigate the ups and downs of dating

• Make and keep good friends

• Deal with school (the social scene and the grades)

• Handle funky family stuff

• Phone and Internet safety and social media

 

Silver-Stock is a mom of two and the founder of GirlsWithDreams.com. She is also the author of the award-winning book, The Powder Box Secrets. She lives in St. Louis, Missouri.

 

Secrets Girls Keep: What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence by Carrie Silver-Stock (HCI Books, Nov 2009, ISBN 978-0757313691, $14.95)

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For more information visit www.carriesilverstock.com. To schedule an interview or receive more information, please contact Elaine Krackau at elaine@prbythebook.com | 512.733.5145

Teen Expert Shows Audience How to Connect With Daughters

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: Elaine Krackau, PR by the Book, LLC | elaine@prbythebook.com | 512-733-5145

 

Hollywood Starlets Worsen Cult of Secrecy in Teen Girls

Teen expert shows audience how to connect with daughters

 

WHO: Teen expert Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., author of Secrets Girls Keep: What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence (HCI Books, Nov 2009) and founder of Girls With Dreams.

WHAT: With role models like Rihanna, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears making headlines, many teen girls today struggle with feelings of low confidence, loneliness, rejection and depression and then look to unsafe sex, drugs and alcohol for comfort and answers.

Secrets Girls Keep is an honest approach for teenage girls today: the scary issues they face and the secrets they keep with advice on how to overcome low self-esteem by letting the secrets out and seven tips on how to live a better life. Silver-Stock shares the personal stories of other girls, showing girls they are not alone in their struggles. Each chapter tackles a separate issue that is relevant to teenage girls today along with stories and tips they can use to overcome those issues.

WHEN: Silver-Stock is available for interviews upon request. Her book is available for review.

INTERVIEW TOPICS:

·        Discuss statistics on teen pregnancy, eating disorders, dating violence and more and how parents can help their teens

·        Define the cult of secrecy and what it means for teens—how do parents break through

·        New issues that didn’t exist 10 years ago: sexting and internet safety

·        Our secrets hurt us and sometimes even haunt us beyond high school

·        How to discover your strengths and use them!

 

Silver-Stock is a mom of two and the founder of GirlsWithDreams.com. She is also the author of the award-winning book, The Powder Box Secrets. She lives near St. Louis, Missouri.

 

Secrets Girls Keep: What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence by Carrie Silver-Stock (HCI Books, Nov 2009, ISBN 978-0757313691, $14.95)

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For more information visit www.carriesilverstock.com. To schedule an interview or receive more information, please contact Elaine Krackau at elaine@prbythebook.com | 512.733.5145

Can I Really Eat and Be Thin, Too?

I was talking to Stevie, one of our Girls With Dreams advisors, about new topics to write about. She said a lot of girls want to know how to eat healthy and maintain a healthy weight. Both of us know too many girls that might be thin, but aren’t eating well or taking care of themselves. On the flip side, there are also girls who are overeating and putting themselves at risk for being overweight.

So, can you really eat and be thin? YES! Here are a few tips to help you eat well and be healthy!

• Always eat breakfast. This is a really important way to start your day. It kick starts your entire system and gets your metabolism going. Try to avoid sugary foods such as donuts, though. Think fiber, protein, and fresh fruits.
• Eliminate or cut back on soda. Many schools have vending machines and soda is everywhere, so this can be a tough one. Try to replace all of the sugar and chemicals from soda with water. Think of soda as a treat you have once in while.
• Taste the rainbow. Try to put as many colors on your plate as possible. I’m not talking about french fries and yellow cheese dip. Try to get different fruits and veggies into every meal, so you eat the entire rainbow throughout the day.
• Eat regularly. Different theories suggest eating anywhere from 3 regular to 6 small meals a day. As teens, it’s easy to skip meals, so make sure you eat at least 3 meals a day with maybe a few healthy snacks in between. Plan ahead and pack a snack  if you know you’re going to be out so you won’t be tempted to eat junk food.
• Don’t obsess! Eating well should become a natural part of your life, not an obsession. If you’re constantly thinking about your weight, how you look, or what to eat, you might be on the verge of a serious problem. Unfortunately, too many girls have distorted images of themselves. If you fit into this category, check out our other posts about eating disorders and body image.
• Get support from your friends! One great way to do this is to join our Summer Self Esteem Challenge!

Distorted Body Image

Almost every teen I talk to seems to have some complaint about her body. It’s not always the same complaint; everyone seems to get hung up on a different body part. Think about it. How many times have you checked yourself in the mirror? When you look in the mirror, do positive or negative thoughts come to mind?

Unfortunately, many girls stress out about their appearance, which eventually leads to a distorted self-image. Some even develop eating disorders. This warped body image cannot be healed with the wave of a magic wand. Listen to these teens share their views about eating disorders.

Then, make sure to check out the other articles and tips we’ve shared at www.girlswithdreams.com.

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